"There's nothing like what has happened in the last 10 months."
-- Trump

"Merry Christmas to all, including the many Sleazebags who loved Jeffrey Epstein...and thought he was the greatest guy on earth...When their names get brought out [it will be] revealed that they are Democrats all...The Failing New York Times [is] at it again, only this time many of their friends, mostly innocent, will be badly hurt and reputationally tarnished. But sadly, that's the way it is in the World of Corrupt Democrat Politics!!! Enjoy what may be your last Merry Christmas!"
-- Trump

"If Network NEWSCASTS, and their Late Night Shows, are almost 100% Negative to President Donald J. Trump, MAGA, and the Republican Party, shouldn't their very valuable Broadcast Licenses be terminated? I say, YES!"
-- Trump

"Nobody knows what magnets are."
-- Trump

"Jesse, it's a monument. I'm building a monument to myself because no one else will."
-- Trump, on Fox host Jesse Watters complaining that the new ballroom will be "four times as big as the White House"

"It's an honor to serve you in this volunteer position to make Greenland a part of the U.S."
-- Jeff Landry, newly appointed U.S. Envoy to Greenland

"Disgusting...Vulgar..."
-- musician Jack White on Trump's redecoration of Oval Office

"Jack White is a washed-up, has-been loser...It's apparent he's been masquerading as a real artist, because he fails to appreciate, and quite frankly disrespects, the splendor and significance of the Oval Office inside of 'The People's House.'"
-- WH spokesperson Steven Cheung

"'Masquerading as a real artist'? Thank you for giving me my tombstone engraving! Well here's my opinion: Trump is masquerading as a human being. He's masquerading as a Christian, as a leader, as a person with actual empathy."
-- White

"Over the past 11 months, we have brought more positive change to Washington than any administration in American history. There's never been anything like it. We have achieved more than anyone can imagine."
-- Trump

"I negotiated directly with the drug companies and foreign nations...to slash prices on drugs and pharmaceuticals by as much as 400, 500, and even 600%."
-- Trump

"Mathematically impossible...If you cut something by 100%, the cost goes down to zero. If you cut it by four, five, or six hundred perecent, the drug companies are actually paying you to take their products."
-- Fox's John Roberts

"It was bad health care at much too high a cost, and you see that now in the steep increase in premiums being demanded by the Democrats, and they are demanding those increases and it's their fault."
-- Trump on Obamacare

Trump Renames RFK Jr. "Bobby Kennedy Trump"
-- Andy Borowitz fake headline