John Oliver on ISIS: "We know this attack was carried out by gigantic f***ing a***holes, unconscionable flaming a***holes; possibly working with other f***ing a***holes, definitely working in service of an ideology of pure a***holery...F*** these a***holes."....Donald Trump on the press: "They're scum. I don't have to deal with them anymore."....Trump on ISIS-held refineries: "I would bomb the s*** out of them. I would just bomb those suckers."....Trump on Ben Carson: "How stupid are the people of Iowa? How stupid are the people of the country to believe this crap?"....Trump on former Baltimore mayor Martin O'Malley: "A clown."....James Parker on Trump's opinions: "Random clots and thrombi of rhetorical ectoplasm gathered from the ether with high-end paranormal pooper-scoopers."....

Westboro Baptist Church on NYC and America: "Their doom is imminent a la Sodom and Gomorrah."....Trump on the U.S.: "Going to hell."....George Will on Bill O'Reilly's books: "[His] vast carelessness pollutes history and debases the historian's craft."....O'Reilly on Will criticism: "Misguided and disingenuous."....Rush Limbaugh on college: "I wouldn't pay for this crap."....Jeb Bush on the government: "A parasite."....Trump on Kasich: "I've built an unbelievable company worth billions and billions. I don't have to hear from this man."....Jeb Bush on Trump Syria proposal: "That's like a board game -- that's like playing Monopoly of something. That's not how the real world works."....Trump on Obama: "The worst president ever."....Trump on Iran deal: "One of the worst deals ever made. One of the worst contracts ever signed, ever, in anything."....Rand Paul on joining a Trump candidacy: "It would be an utter and absolute disaster and I would want no part of it."....Trump on Fiorina: "Why does she keep interrupting everybody?"....Trump on Ben Carson: "If [SNL] asked him, nobody would watch."....Trump on debate moderator John Harwood: "A dope...A fool."....Trump on Rubio: "I think I'm better looking than he is."....

GOP debate moderator John Harwood to Jeb Bush: "The fact that you're at the fifth lectern tonight shows how far your stock has fallen."....Marco Rubio on Dem candidates: "I see a socialist, an isolationist, and a pessimist, and for the sake of me I can't figure out which one is which."....Trump on Jeb Bush: "His poll numbers tanked and he got nasty."....Sen. Lindsey Graham on Bernie Sanders: "Went to the Soviet Union on his honeymoon and I don't think he ever came back."....Chris Christie to GOP debate moderators: "Even in New Jersey what you are doing is called rude."....Hillary Clinton on the GOP: "Pathetic."....House Benghazi Committee chairman Trey Gowdy on Hillary Clinton: "You are not worth 18 months of my life, with all due respect."....Newt Gingrich on Hillary Clinton: "She keeps lying."....Thom Yorke on Spotify: "The last desperate fart of a dying corpse."....

Jeb Bush on Trump 9/11 comments: "Pathetic."....Trump on Jeb Bush: "You're pathetic."....Sen. Lindsey Graham on Dem debate: "It made me sick."....Robert Redford on Carly Fiorina: "A horror."....Trump on Bernie Sanders: "Maniac."....Karl Rove on former Gov. Lincoln Chafee: "As hapless as a puppy stranded in a hurricane."....MA Democratic Party vice chair Deb Kozikowski on Debbie Wasserman Schultz: "Establishing a full-fledged dictatorship at the DNC."....Trump on Dubya: "He didn't seem smart. I'd watch him in interviews and I'd look at people and ask, 'Do you think he understands the question?' I mean, he didn't seem like he had it."....Sen. Lindsey Graham on Obama: "Completely incompetent as commander in chief."....Dr. Ben Carson on the national media: "You guys are down there with used car salesmen."....

United Steelworkers president Leo W. Gerard on TPP deal: "A big fat dead rat."....Sen. Harry Reid on Republicans: "Acting as puppets of the NRA."....Rep. Kevin McCarthy on the House: "Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom."....Rep. Peter King on the U.S.: "A banana republic."....Nate Silver on Trump: "The world's greatest troll."....Trump on Sen. Rand Paul: "A vicious little guy."....Trump on RedState founder Erick Erickson: "Fired like a dog...Just doesn't have it."....Erickson on Trump: "Gets his news several days late and still gets the facts wrong...Lives in a universe where even dogs are fired."....Sen. Marco Rubio on Putin: "A gangster and a thug."....Rep. Paul Gosar on climate change: "The fool's errand."....Rush Limbaugh on the First Lady: "Moochelle Obama."....Philip Bump on Kevin McCarthy: "Imagine seeing the door to the greatest opportunity of your life slammed in your face AND being from Bakersfield."....