Stephen King: "Cruz, Paul and Rubio, all running for president. Hey, I thought I was supposed to write the horror stories."....Salman Rushdie on writers protesting PEN's honoring Charlie Hebdo at gala: "Six pussies. Six authors in search of a bit of character."....Sen. Rand Paul on Sen. Lindsey Graham and Sen. John McCain: "Essentially the lapdogs for President Obama...Wrong about every policy issue over the last couple decades."....Graham on Rand Paul's foreign policy: "Just doesn't understand...Has displayed...naivete since he came to the Senate."....Paul on Hillary Clinton: "Dereliction of duty...Not doing her job."....Gov. Scott Walker on HRC: "I doubt that [she] has ever been to Kohl's before, let alone shopped in the last 15 to 20 years."....Former WH press secretary Dana Perino on Sen. Harry Reid: "An absolutely poisonous figure in Washington, D.C., he's been a disaster for the country."....Don Imus on Perino: "She sucks and her book sucks."....Daily Beast's Russell Saunders on Dr. Phil: "A crass pantomime of psychology...Makes Dr. Joyce Brothers look like Carl Jung by comparison."....

Roseanne Barr on Hillary Clinton: "Seems like every other Democrat...She's the same old s***."....Maureen Dowd on Clinton in Iowa: "Acted as though she were following dating tips from the 1950s advice columnists to women trying to 'trap' a husband."....Conan O'Brien writer Andres du Bouchet re late night comedy on other shows: "Needs a mother****ing shakeup. No celebrities, no parodies, no pranks, no mash-ups or hashtag wars...and shove your lip-synching up your ass."....O'Brien: "I wish one of my writers would focus on making my show funnier instead of tweeting stupid things about the state of late night comedy."....NY Daily News headline re Dr. Oz: "Sack This Quack!"....

Tulsa policeman restraining unarmed man dying after being shot, who complained he couldn't breathe: "F*** your breath!"....Valerie Plame on Judith Miller's WSJ column: "Your attempt to re-write history is both pathetic and self-serving."....Col. Lawrence Wilkerson on Iran agreement: "Has win-win written all over it...My political party, at least some of them -- the 47 for example who signed the letter to the Ayatollah -- they want war."....Sen. Mark Kirk: "Neville Chamberlain got a better deal from Adolph Hitler...Going to end with a mushroom cloud somewhere near Tehran."....former Rep. Michele Bachmann: "Barack Obama is for the 300 million souls of the United States what Andreas Lubitz was for the 150 souls on the German Wings flight - a deranged pilot flying his entire nation into the rocks."....Bill O'Reilly: "I think I trust Iran more than I trust the American press."....Stephen King on Indiana's Religious Freedom Restoration Act: "You can frost a dog turd, but it's still a dog turd."....Donald Trump on One Direction: "I never like them staying in my hotels."....

Glenn Beck on GOP: "They are not good....They're torpedoing the constitution and they're doing it knowingly."....Charles M. Blow on Gov. Bobby Jindal: "Increasingly comes across as nuttier than a piece of praline."....Stephen King on Maine Gov. LePage: "Full of the stuff that makes grass grow green...Needs to remember there ain't no free lunch."....

Missouri Lt. Gov. Peter Kinder on Ferguson report: "There is more racism in the Justice Department than there is...anywhere that I see in the St. Louis area."....Univision host Rodner Figueroa on First Lady Michelle Obama: "Looks like she's part of the cast of 'Planet of the Apes.'"....Sen. Dick Durbin on delay of Loretta Lynch confirmation: "The first African-American woman nominated to be attorney general is asked to sit in the back of the bus when it comes to the Senate calendar."....Nahum Barnea on Netanyahu's campaign promises: "Written on ice on a very hot day."....Stephen Sondheim on Lady Gaga's 'Sound of Music' tribute: "Ridiculous...A travesty."....President Obama at Gridiron Dinner: "You don't diminish your office by taking a selfie. You do it by sending a poorly-written letter to Iran. Really, that wasn't a joke."....