"Has the magical power to transform everything it touches, no matter how stupid it is, into something even stupider."
-- Dave Barry on Twitter

"The Times Square celebration dates back to 1904... Other cities have developed their own ball-dropping traditions. Atlanta, Georgia, drops a giant peach. Eastport, Maine, drops a sardine. Ocean City, Maryland, drops a beach ball, and Mobile, Alabama, drops a 600-pound electric Moon Pie. In Tempe, Arizona, a giant tortilla chip descends into a massive bowl of salsa. Brasstown, North Carolina, drops a Plexiglas pyramid containing a live possum; and Key West, Florida, drops an enormous ruby slipper with a drag queen inside it."
-- from The Writer's Almanac

"As New Year's Eve approaches, the nation pauses to look back on 2019 and throw up a little bit in its national mouth."
-- Dave Barry

"Crazy Nancy Pelosi should spend more time in her decaying city and less time on the Impeachment Hoax!"
-- Trump

"New York City and State are falling apart... Gov. Cuomo has lost control, and lost his mind. Very bad for the homeless and all!"
-- Trump

"[If I am president] I'm not going to play much golf, because there's a lot of work to be done... Obama went golfing every day. 'Little Obama, go play golf every day.'... He's played more than most PGA touring professionals play... I'm going to be working for you. I'm not going to have time to go play golf."
-- 2016 campaign remarks by Trump, who today makes his 251st visit to play golf at one of his resorts

"If they're investigating me, they're a**holes... If they are, they're idiots... If they think I committed a crime, they're out of their minds. I've been doing this for 50 years. I know how not to commit crimes."
-- Trump attorney Rudy Giuliani on the Southern District Court of New York

"Together, we must strive to foster a culture of deeper understanding and respect -- traits that exemplify the teachings of Christ."
-- Trump in Presidential Message on Christmas

"Why should Crazy Nancy Pelosi, just because she has a slight majority in the House, be allowed to Impeach the President of the United States?... The call with Ukraine was perfect... Scam Impeachment!... Hypocrites!... Liars!"
-- Trump, shortly thereafter

"You know we have a world, right? So the world is tiny compared to the universe."
-- Trump to student group

"Remember the dishwasher? You'd press it -- boom! There'd be like an explosion. Five minutes later, you open it up, the steam pours out. Now you press it 12 times. Women tell me...You know, they give you four drops of water."
-- Trump at rally

"The fact is, no President has ever done what I have done for Evangelicals, or religion itself!"
-- Trump